This past week feels like a blur. On Tuesday night at Will’s soccer practice Johnathan fell and broke his arm 😦 It was such an innocuous fall but he landed just right on an outstretched arm that he found himself with a radial head fracture. Of course these things happen the only night of the week Chris is at a dinner in SF. So I loaded the boys up and off to the ER we went. We ended up home and splinted by 10:30 pm. And then of course the next day was just adjusting to our new normal and getting squeezed into an orthopedist appointment and having a real fiberglass cast placed. So needless to say it’s hard to remember much more about the week than that glaring milestone.
But yet again kids really just remind us how resilient and how joyful they are. Johnathan isn’t wallowing in what he can’t do (like I know a lot of adults would). Instead he’s figuring out how to go about his days. He’s always been my little anchor when it comes to putting things into perspective.
This week I finished reading A Flicker in the Dark which I give 3.5 / 5 stars. The last 25% of the book was page turning for sure. I just found myself not really believing choices the main character would make at different parts. But overall it was an easy suspense read.
Last week I mentioned how I was starting and committing to another workout program and how it had been so long. Well, I went 4/5 days last week, which I am really freaking proud of. I was telling Chris how if I hadn’t committed there is no way I would have worked out that much or pushed myself that hard this week just given everything with Johnathan. So i’m very happy to be back doing what has worked for me for so long.
I took the one cool day of the week to make soup – I made our go to zuppa toscana. This is one of our favorites. I’ll share the recipe here. I usually skip the bacon and add mushrooms to it.
On Friday I hosted a play date for some of Will’s friends and it was so cute to have a house full of boys. I also made a fall / halloween themed snack board which they loved. And then Saturday I went to a “cook book club” where we all made variations of bruschetta. It was so fun!
I feel like this Sunday Something is a total brain dump and not very helpful with sharing links. But that was just the kind of week it has been.
Somethings I cooked this week that absolutely loved:
Pineapple Chicken Tacos – these were 10/10 SO delicious. I have them on our meal plan again for this week!
Dole whip – I apparently was on the pineapple trend this week because I made this for dessert in our nutrabullet 3 nights this week! I can’t wait to make as the weather warms up! I restocked my freezer with frozen pineapple.
We also grilled burgers yesterday – nothing says spring / summer like grilling. Last year I realized how conveninent it is to pre season a bunch of ground beef and pre make patties. I know they sell the pre formed patties but those are often so meh. They are rarely seasoned and just don’t turn out as good. But last summer I found I can just make my own version!
Random Somethings:
Will got his baseball uniform this week and tried it on and I swear looked 4 years older. Next weekend is the start of the season and games.
Saturday it was actually 70 degrees and I swear I could feel the winter funk thawing out of me. It’s amazing what warm sunshine can do!
I started reading the Silent Patient and am halfway through. So far I’m loving it.
Speaking of reading I officially joined a book club and I’m pretty happy about it. I think it’s gonna be a great way to read books I wouldn’t necessarily pick up on my own and just a fun way to meet new people. The first book we’re reading is Women of the Sea!
We finished rewatching Schitt’s Creek and I’m sad it’s over. That show is just so good. Chris and I both already agreed to re watch again in a few years.
The warm weather has me so excited for spring that I stopped by the nursery this week and picked up a ton of seeds. Will has been asking to start planting things. Although my garden is in need of some serious TLC because I kind of just let it go wild this winter. So that’s one of my goals this week is to tackle cleaning out my garden beds and start some seedlings. Last year I fell in love with planting flowers to cut. Getting to go out into the garden and cut flowers and have mini bouquets brought so much joy all summer long, so I bought a TON of flowers and plan to plant them all over our yard and garden!
Our biggest Something has to be adding a new puppy to our family!! Chris and I have been looking forward to for so long but between babies, our older developing a serious anemia that took nearly 2 years to recover from, Chris starting a company adding another dog just felt like too much at the time. Last week we picked up Toby & we are so in love. He’s already brought so much joy! And it’s seriously the best watching Juno & Toby play.
Something I read this past week was Mad Honey I gave it a 3.5 / 5 star review. I thought the suspense kind of fizzled out and it dragged a little in the middle. I think it could have easily been about 100 pages shorter.
I hurt my back at the beginning of the year and haven’t been able to fully workout like I normally do, so something I’ve been enjoying lately is Pilates. I’ve found doing these you tube pilates have been a great way to work on strengthening my core which ultimately will help my back situation! Even the 20 minute workouts are tough!!
Something delicious I made that I plan on remaking again this week are these gluten free samoa bars. I made them years ago and had kind of forgotten about them. But they are so delicious and comparatively healthy.
Somethings I’ll remember from this week:
The massive storm hitting us and causing us to lose power for nearly 24 hours. I cooked & we ate dinner by candlelight, adjusted to a brand new puppy and the boys thought it was so fun…
Chris got the boys a practice tee for at home & we had our first backyard baseball game as a family and it was one of the best parts of the weekend. I think it could be really easy to sit back and say I’m just gonna let Chris have baseball because I never played, I don’t have any experience etc. But leaning in to what interests the boys I think is so powerful. We ended up playing for over an hour and like I said it was a total highlight. So if you’re a boy mom seeking connection with your kids lean into the things that you might enjoy as well. For me, building legos, and playing sports are two ways I can lean into their interests and I’ll also enjoy myself.
Something I made this week that was 10/10 was this Short rib recipe. It turned out delicious and I will absolutely be making it again. It was a little labor intensive but the longest portion of the recipe the short ribs cook in the oven for about 3 hours, so although it takes quite a bit of time, you aren’t cooking for 4+ hours! If you love short ribs and are intimidated about making them – try this recipe!
Some things I finished reading this week were: Wintering and True Love Expirement. These were both pretty quick reads. It wasn’t until the end of True Love that I realized there was definitely a prequel to that book, oops! Now I started a thriller that I got from the library. I haven’t read a thriller in awhile. I feel like I have to space them out otherwise I start getting nightmares!
This week Johnathan got a nasty cold & his asthma flared up. This was the first real cold that took him down this season. Last winter we were perpetually sick and constantly setting up his nebulizer or visiting the ER. It was rough. So I’m beyond grateful for his health and for being able to get an urgent care appt. so he could get steroids asap to help him get over it. I also had such a proud mom moment while we were there. He was such a champ despite at first being scared and crying about not wanting to go to the dr. But then he was so chatty with the staff, let them do all their things and literally laughed with the nurse swabbed his nose for allll the germs.
Between J being sick and my back still not 100% we leaned into rest. It’s not easy for me to prioritize rest or to kick myself out of my productivity spirals but there are times when it’s necessary. I’m hoping to get back to working out this week (fingers crossed).
Something I’m excited about is both the boys are starting baseball, I went to one of the team meetings this week and it got me so excited for spring and to watch the boys both try something new!
I’ve really been cherishing watching Will build lego creations and getting on the floor and building with him. He always amazes with me with what he’s building and just how creative he is. And it’s just the best and it’s one of those, knowing you’re living in a future memory moments. I know one day I’ll look back at how much he loved legos and all the “masterpieces” he would proudly show off (that’s what he calls his builds). So I’m trying to being super present and just enjoy those moments.
Finally Chris and I have been working on trying to maximize how functional our house is. And this weekend we built this shoe storage cabinet thing for our entry way and I’m SO happy with it! I was originally planning to DIY something, but I didn’t have a very clear vision and every time I tried I was getting frustrated so we opted for something simpler and I couldn’t be happier with how it turned out!
Somehow the calendar has flipped again & we’re once again at a new year! I love a good reflection moment and the start of a new year is the perfect time to look back. This year we celebrated big birthdays for our boys, we spent a lot of time outside, I read more than I have in years past. We took trips to the snow and the beach. I leaned into creating. I built dining benches, mud kitchens and redid closets. I tapped back into my arty side and started playing with watercolors. Chris and I took our first solo international trip and visited Singapore this fall. Of course there were less desirable parts of the year. The boys started the year with virus after virus and there was relentless rain. I got a strange post viral arrhythmia that I’m still sorting out (waiting for a cardiac MRI bleh). I wrote about this last year, but it’s impossible to categorize years as “good” or “bad”. This year was made of thousands of beautiful moments. There were moments where I struggled, moments I felt burnt out at work, or in my motherhood. There’s a chasm of uncertainty when it comes to Chris’ start-up life. But all of those moments are just that, moments. They are fleeting, some are beautiful, like walking my son to kindergarten each morning and others are painful. This year I was better about allowing myself to experience these moments for what they were. And I think the more you’re able to do that in your daily life the less significance a “new year” has, instead I feel gratitude for all this year has given to me. One of my favorite new year traditions is making a list for the year, you can see previous lists here: 20 in 2020 , 21 in 2021, Monday Mindset: 2022 Wrapped. I talk about the origin of this tradition, but I like to fill it with goals, simple things, things to try etc. So it’s time to review what was on my 2023 list.
Attempt gluten free puff pastry – I didn’t do this, but I did make GF sourdough so I’m counting this as an adventure in GF baking!
Go to the beach – yes, and it was one of my favorite memories of the year!
Read 23 books – and then SOME, 34 in total!
Spend 1000 hours outside - we got damn close so i’m counting this as yes. We spent 977 hours outside this year. I am SO proud of this – it was an exceptionally wet first 3 months of year but we purchased rain suits and splashed and made it outside.
Re-open my Etsy shop – nope. but I did sew burp cloths for several friends.
Get a will / living trust set up – yikes. nope. 2024 will be our year for this.
Plan a Stedman family trip – nope
Get another dog – no but this is a rollover for 2024 and I am SET on this.
Hike in the redwoods – yes
J’s closet renovation – yes, one of the hardest DIY’s I’ve done. It took obscenely long since I couldn’t work on this at night or at naptime, but I finished it and learned so much and that closet is 100x more functional now.
Start hot yoga again – I did return to bikram this year. But then was quickly sidelined with my cardiac issues and haven’t returned.
Redo garden beds - yes shout out to my amazing husband who took over this project while I was on limited activity for my heart.
Review spending every week – no.
Go to the dermatologist – also no.
Use my DSLR camera more – I did use it some but not as much as I would have liked. This is an example of a goal that is too vague what is “more”?
Store my phone away during the day – I was fairly good at this and even took a month. of social media which felt amazing.
Take the boys on monthly individual day dates – not nearly as much as I would have liked.
Make a personal timeline – started this
DIY avocado dye – yes, this was fun and the color is a beautiful muted pink.
Do a 75 soft challenge – yes!
Learn to use the cameo machine – nooope! Better luck this year?
Finish my 2021 & 2022 photo albums – YES!
Rescreen our sliding door – we switched to a magnetic screen door which is way more convenient for kids and pets. although idk what I was thinking getting a white one.
So much of parenthood is wondering if you’re doing the right thing… Am I reading to them enough, are they eating enough vegetables, am I giving them plenty of experiences, how much red40 dye have they consumed. But after every school shooting I’m consumed with… am I doing the right thing by sending them to school? After each one a part of me feels more and more unsure.
It feels ignorant to think “it won’t happen here” because I have absolutely NO way of knowing that. The Columbine shooting was 24 years ago. Since then there have been 376 school shooting. 46 happened last year. And since Columbine 338,000 children have experienced gun violence at school. It feels like there is no end in sight. We have allowed an entire generation of children to be traumatized by gun violence. (statistics from https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/interactive/school-shootings-database/ )
When you know better you do better. Except for the nearly a quarter century we have let kids go to school and not come home. Instead of taking action we’ve argued about door strength, arming teachers, allowing a place of learning and fun and friendship to also be a place where our children have to think about where they would hide if someone decided to come shoot at them today during circle time. I know every child loses their innocence, but forcing our children into active shooter drills before they know how to tie their shoes isn’t how I imagined it going.
In the late 80’s we decided it was unsafe to smoke while pregnant. It was hurting kids.
I wonder what my children and kids going to school now will think when they are adults. Will they ask us why we allowed this to go on for so long? What will be the result of growing up doing active shooter drills or expecting them to learn in an environment where they’re wondering about their safety. Having to have discussions about mortality and unimaginable evil, with kids who have barely begun to read. I can’t help but feel like I’m failing my kids, sending my kids to school when I can’t know that they’ll be safe. I wouldn’t let someone I felt iffy about watch my kid. But each day I send my kid to school wondering the uniquely American thought of, will today be the day someone brings a military style weapon and decides to blow kids to bits? We know better, we can do better, and most importantly our children deserve better. It’s like the doctor told us to stop smoking while pregnant because it is hurting our kid, and as a country we are just staring the doctor in the face, chain smoking.
After Uvalde, where 21 students were killed, I really struggled – struggled with being on the cusp of having a school aged child. Of getting ready to send him off to kindergarten and really questioning what was best. And here we are again, not even a year later. And I can’t help be flooded with all those questions again. I don’t really have answers or a true conclusion to this post. I know a lot of moms and parents feel the same sense of helplessness, of feeling stuck, of wanting to give your kids the best, of wondering if what we’re doing is right.
I want to encourage you if you feel paralyzed by this to a) stop scrolling and b) doing something tangible. I decided this evening after far too much scrolling to step back from social media, I donated to moms demand action and I went to 5 calls to find my representatives phone numbers and use their pre written scripts to DEMAND action against gun violence, to close loop holes, to put a ban on high capacity magazines and assault style rifles. When the day comes and my boys ask me about school shootings, I don’t want to say well I shared a LOT of memes, I might as well say I gave thoughts and prayers. I want them to know I cared enough to do everything in my power to make change happen.
We don’t get or have time at all – instead we are time. We’ll never get the upper hand in our relationships with the moments of our lives because we are nothing but those moments.
Last Sunday I was sleeping in a dark hotel room with my husband when I heard his alarm going off for the second time. Only to quickly realize it wasn’t his alarm, it was a phone call. A phone call saying our two year old sons asthma was bad and we needed to come home. Luckily our “getaway” was only ten minutes away. If you’re a parent you know you don’t need to be 500 miles away to feel recharged, all you need is a hotel bed, black out curtains and a night or two without a toddler, iykyk. After getting home, giving Johnathan his nebulizer treatments we realized he wasn’t improving all that much. And so, in all too familiar fashion, we filled a bag with necessities and headed for the hospital. Our little bubba ended up needing to stay in the hospital for 36 hours, getting some extra oxygen his body needed.
In the past five years I’ve sat and laid next to each of my children and husband in hospital beds and each time I’m hit with this paradoxical feeling of having time slow to a crawl within the walls of your hospital room while the world outside goes about their lives. Often in our daily lives we are consumed with ideas of not “wasting time” or the pressure of “living in the moment”. We innately begin to view time as a resource that we can manipulate or control, but there’s no greater reality check on your lack of control than a hospital. In a hospital you’re forced to surrender any illusion of control over time or finitude you think you have. As much as we want to wield control over our time the universe will continue to show us that no one can master time, that you can’t outrun the flipped hourglass that is each of our lives.
In 4000 weeks, Time Management for Mortals, Oliver Burkeman describes “a more fruitful approach to the challenge of living more fully in the moment starts from noticing that you are, in fact, always already living in the moment anyway, whether you like it or not. To try to live in the moment implies that you’re somehow separate from “the moment” and thus in a position to either succeed or fail at living in it.” So stop beating yourself up for “not living in the moment” enough. You have no choice you are living in the moment, it’s how you to choose to give your attention and experience those moments that matter.
While we were in the hospital last week I kept thinking about this quote. Usually living in the moment is associated with saying yes to the spontaneous invitation, watching the sunrise, dancing without inhibition, fun, light things. Yet there I was, with the Cars 2 movie playing for the third time in 30 hours, laying next to my son, trying to memorize his little curls and the way he rolls his blanket between his hands while simultaneously sucking his thumb, and I could not have “lived in the moment” more. It was a moment I would never have chosen for myself, but it was my reality. Ask any mom about the paradox that is time. The days can drag on, the phases that feel never ending, and yet suddenly you have a walking, talking toddler and you don’t understand how so much time has already passed. This feeling of chasing time, of wanting to savor every minute of it, of older generations reminding us how quickly it all really flies by can add pressure to make sure we’re doing THE most. When what would benefit us the most is to stop splitting our attention, stop trying to see how much we can cram into our day but instead shifting our focus to our focus. What makes our lives meaningful are our experiences. But in order to truly experience something we have to give our attention to it. Burkeman notes “to have any meaningful experience you must be able to focus on it, at least a bit. Otherwise, are you really having it at all? Can you have an experience you don’t experience?”
Things like meditation and breathwork train our brains to pause. To allow room for focus in a world that is filled with pings and dings, devices that are constantly pulling our focus in a hundred different directions.
I snapped this photo this week, we were reading books on the couch before bed, Chris was reading Dragons Love Tacos, and Johnathan held my hand. And I couldn’t stop looking at that little hand inside mine. I gave that little hand all my attention and focus, feeling the warmth from it, how his little fingers gripped onto my palm, the tiny veins that run along the top of his hand, the calmness of the moment. It was hard to believe a few days prior we were in the hospital and now we’re back at home, in this moment.
I hope this post encourages you to slow down, to draw more attention to the moments you’re already living it. Whether they’re the same bedtime routine you’ve grown tired of, or a new destination, or lifes cruel realities. I hope you can find moments to take in and fully experience for all that they are.
Reframing is the ability to change your life without actually changing your circumstances. It is a powerful shift that costs us nothing but can make a huge impact on our daily lives. This is not to say that you have to pretend sh*tty things are actually rainbows and blessings – that is toxic positivity. But instead considering things that we come across in our daily lives that we tell ourselves are problems or burdens. What mountains have we made out of molehills? What story are we perpetually telling ourselves? In theory reframing is great but IRL it can be harder to implement, especially if all you’ve known is to reflexively look at situations through a lens of criticism, blame or negativity. Below are some tips to actually make reframing something you can put into action versus just a far off concept that you’re never able to wrap your hands around!
Start finding the good – The harder you look for it the more you will find. The easiest and most effective way to start finding the good is something I’ve talked about before, gratitude. Simple gratitude lists will shift the way you see your day to day life and the more you do it the more powerful this practice becomes. It doesn’t have to be fancy or in-depth, keep it simple. Keep a gratitude list pinned to the top of the notes section in your phone. Next time you’re standing in a line instead of mindlessly scrolling see how many things you can find that you’re grateful for.
The power of pause – when you find yourself doing dishes and telling yourself “this sucks, there’s always dishes, I can never keep up, my kids make such a mess” pause! Try to create some space and reframe. Often times we can’t control what happens to us in life, the dishes will inevitably be there day after day, the unexpected work project, the cancelled babysitter, so much is out of our hands. But the control we have lies in how we choose to react and respond to our lives. There is immense power in seizing that control versus simply relying on old habits or built in reactions. Pausing and reframing takes practice like all of these – often times you won’t pause until well after you’ve complained about xyz, but even catching yourself later that day is progress. As you continue to reframe and look for the good it will get easier to catch yourself in real time. The first huge step is even just realizing you were building a negative narrative in your mind whether you notice a minute after or a day after, progress is progress!
Write. It. Out. Journaling is talking things out with yourself, a diy therapy session… How are you supposed to know what you want, or what’s bothering you, or how you actually feel, if you never give yourself a moment to be with your thoughts. In today’s world we are bombarded by stimulus through our phones. We so rarely turn inward to assess our inner dialogue. At the end of the day all this stimulus can leave us feeling some sort of way that can be difficult to pinpoint. Was it that rude interaction at the store or in traffic, was it the triggering tiktok that you stumbled upon, was it an off handed comment a friend made, was it a narrative your subconsciously told yourself? Writing can give us clarity. It can help us find the good.
Ultimately reframing, like most mindset changes doesn’t happen immediately. It takes practice, and each day present new circumstances and challenges. With mindfulness and mindset improvement it’s so important to remember the journey is not linear. On my own personal journey I’ve often felt the idea of two steps forward, one step back. I’ve thought “I’m writing gratitude, I’m meditating, why is this so hard, why am I still losing my cool and yelling at my kids?” And the reality is it’s because life, and motherhood is freaking hard and I’m human! Over the years I’ve learned how important it is to hold grace for myself the same way I give it to others. We are human and life is hard. But that is what makes it beautiful, and choosing to lean into our emotions and become more aware of our thoughts is powerful. It allows us to feel and live life more deeply, even if it feels like we move backwards from time to time.
Consider this: “We think in words, and these words have the power to limit us or to set us free; they can frighten us or evoke our courage. Similarly, the stories we tell ourselves about our own lives eventually becomes our lives.”
Dan Baker, What Happy People Know
Try This: Affirmations. I used to roll my eyes at the idea of affirmations, but science has shown us that affirmations are in fact a way to help alter our internal dialogue, that will otherwise gladly tell us: we aren’t good enough, smart enough, we’ll fail etc. For many of us if we let our subconsciouses run wild they will chatter at us in negative and anxiety ridden tones. It takes work to change our narratives but one of the most powerful ways we can do that is through affirmations.
Below you’ll find affirmations for most situations! It can sound so silly when you first start saying them. But other ways I like to incorporate affirmations are:
Write it on a sticky note and put it on a mirror you look at daily
Pick one or two to say daily at a specific time (ie: waking up / going to bed / rocking your kid etc.)
Save an affirmation as the background on your phone, when you’re going into a tough situation or experience. It’s the perfect easy reminder to see some words that should bring you calmness or courage!
For years I bought into the limiting belief that I’m not a morning person, my old night shift working self loved spending all day in bed and having breakfast at 4pm. Now fast-forward to having two toddlers. Sleeping in all day just isn’t a possibility anymore. But I also quickly learned that mornings where I got up a 15-30 minutes before my kids I was suddenly more patient, calm, I felt like the morning started on my terms instead of whatever meltdown my three year was gonna choose to have at 7am. If you’ve tried waking up early and are in a constant standoff between you and the snooze button here are some tips that have helped me skip the snooze and get my mornings off to a more peaceful, intentional start!
Lay your clothes out – have your clothes for the morning already set out. Whether you’re headed to work or working out, having your clothes picked out the night before makes getting dressed something you can do while still half asleep. There’s no riffling for that pair of legging you swore was clean. Have everything you need right there so you can shut your alarm off and start changing!
Charge your phone across the room – This is the change that has helped me the MOST when it comes to getting up early… Having to physically get out of bed to shut your alarm off means your feet are on the ground and you’re physically “up”. You have to then make a decision of if you want to get back in bed. The snooze button and I have our battles but I know that button would be undefeated if I it was directly next to my bed. Bonus about charing your phone across the room is you cut down on mindless scrolling in bed, which gets me to sleep faster at night!
Have a plan – Take a few minutes the night before and know what your plan is in the morning. Will you be working out, will you be taking your dog for a walk, getting some work tasks off your list? Reading? Our brains will look for any excuse or reason to push snooze. By taking a few minutes to plan ahead, having your laptop charged and set up so you can start on your list, knowing exactly what workout or where you’ll walk your dog, keeps us from having to make these decisions in the moment when we’re struggling to wake up already!
Go to bed early – The best way to ensure you wake up earlier is to get more sleep!! Waking up earlier actually starts the night before. If i’m in bed after 11 the chances of my morning ritual happening are low!! Stop sacrificing tomorrow by staying up late the night before.
Look forward to something – this can be a hot shower after your workout, your cup of coffee, getting to read uninterrupted, a delicious breakfast, enjoying the silence before your kids wake up. Having something you look forward to in the morning helps your brain remember why we’re dragging ourselves out of bed!
East Bay Mama 