Uncategorized – East Bay Mama

Sending your kids to school in the school shooting era…

So much of parenthood is wondering if you’re doing the right thing… Am I reading to them enough, are they eating enough vegetables, am I giving them plenty of experiences, how much red40 dye have they consumed. But after every school shooting I’m consumed with… am I doing the right thing by sending them to school? After each one a part of me feels more and more unsure.

It feels ignorant to think “it won’t happen here” because I have absolutely NO way of knowing that. The Columbine shooting was 24 years ago. Since then there have been 376 school shooting. 46 happened last year. And since Columbine 338,000 children have experienced gun violence at school. It feels like there is no end in sight. We have allowed an entire generation of children to be traumatized by gun violence. (statistics from https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/interactive/school-shootings-database/ )

When you know better you do better. Except for the nearly a quarter century we have let kids go to school and not come home. Instead of taking action we’ve argued about door strength, arming teachers, allowing a place of learning and fun and friendship to also be a place where our children have to think about where they would hide if someone decided to come shoot at them today during circle time. I know every child loses their innocence, but forcing our children into active shooter drills before they know how to tie their shoes isn’t how I imagined it going.

In the late 80’s we decided it was unsafe to smoke while pregnant. It was hurting kids.

I wonder what my children and kids going to school now will think when they are adults. Will they ask us why we allowed this to go on for so long? What will be the result of growing up doing active shooter drills or expecting them to learn in an environment where they’re wondering about their safety. Having to have discussions about mortality and unimaginable evil, with kids who have barely begun to read. I can’t help but feel like I’m failing my kids, sending my kids to school when I can’t know that they’ll be safe. I wouldn’t let someone I felt iffy about watch my kid. But each day I send my kid to school wondering the uniquely American thought of, will today be the day someone brings a military style weapon and decides to blow kids to bits? We know better, we can do better, and most importantly our children deserve better. It’s like the doctor told us to stop smoking while pregnant because it is hurting our kid, and as a country we are just staring the doctor in the face, chain smoking.

After Uvalde, where 21 students were killed, I really struggled – struggled with being on the cusp of having a school aged child. Of getting ready to send him off to kindergarten and really questioning what was best. And here we are again, not even a year later. And I can’t help be flooded with all those questions again. I don’t really have answers or a true conclusion to this post. I know a lot of moms and parents feel the same sense of helplessness, of feeling stuck, of wanting to give your kids the best, of wondering if what we’re doing is right.

I want to encourage you if you feel paralyzed by this to a) stop scrolling and b) doing something tangible. I decided this evening after far too much scrolling to step back from social media, I donated to moms demand action and I went to 5 calls to find my representatives phone numbers and use their pre written scripts to DEMAND action against gun violence, to close loop holes, to put a ban on high capacity magazines and assault style rifles. When the day comes and my boys ask me about school shootings, I don’t want to say well I shared a LOT of memes, I might as well say I gave thoughts and prayers. I want them to know I cared enough to do everything in my power to make change happen.

February Round Up

February flew by! We had a trip to the snow – which was so fun & my birthday. This round comes a little late thanks to the revolving door of preschool colds lol. But I’m rounding up the books, mediations, recipes & products I’ve loved this month!

Books: Trevor Noah Born a Crime, The Nature Fix, The Idea of You

Born a Crime was about Trevor Noah growing up in South Africa in the midst of Apartheid. I loved this book & thought it was so moving to his stories from such a time in history. I was interested in learning about how he moved out of South Africa and ultimately hosted the Daily Show but this book is really focusing on his childhood and young adult life. 4/5 stars!

The Nature Fix – I got 60% through before I just had to put it down. I’m a firm believer in not forcing yourself to read a book you aren’t enjoying and this one was just wayyyy too science-y and honestly repetitive. I normally love nonfiction but this just wasn’t for me! 1.5 / 5 stars

The Idea of You – an easy, fun, spicy read that I consumed in probably 5 days. The plot line was simple but a quick engaging read!

Recipes: Scroll to the bottom to find the full recipe, but Acai bowls were my top craving when I was pregnant will Will. And I haven’t eaten many since. This month I decided to have the boys help make their own and they have been loving getting to chop their own fruit, pick toppings and assemble them. It’s been a fun afternoon activity!

Meditations: Two of my favorite meditations this month have been by Sarah Blondin.

Re-awaken yourself to love & joy This 11 min meditation is a great reminder that we so often forget to stay awake to our choice, our choice to ground ourselves in love.

Learning to surrender – This 8 min meditation is about allowing the universe to unfold as it is meant to. The harder we try to force, or constrict the more resistance we meet.

Products:

Nuud deodorant – I’ve tried a lot of natural deodarants (schmittds, native, toms) and they all kinda stink lol. This deodorant has ultra clean ingredients and I only have to put it on 2 – 3 times a WEEK! and just a tiny dab!! The first tube I got literally lasted me six months! 10/10!

This nursing work bag – I recently upgraded my work bag. For years I was using a large Longchamp tote bag, but it always ended up turning into a mess of random stuff at the bottom & my the little tote I used to carry my lunch would never quite fit. So last month I upgraded to this bag that I found on amazon. I love that it’s completely wipeable. It has SO many pockets, including the outside one that fits my XL hydroflask.

The best indoor dog toy – if you live in California and you have a dog, they are probably like Juno and a little downtrodden with all the rain we’ve had. For Christmas I got Juno this chuckit indoor ball and I just bought a few more because of how much she loves it. She’s had it for almost 3 months and it’s just finally starting to weaken which in dog toy world is amazing. It’s ultra light weight which means it’s not too loud to throw in our house after the kids go to bed, and I’m not worried if they throw it because it can’t cause too much damage! We also have the roller version!

Lastly this coat! I got this as my birthday present to myself. California and it’s never ending winter pushed me to finally buy this coat I’ve literally thought about for over a year. And I’m here to say it did.not.disapoint. It is seriously SO warm. And I have worn it nearly every day in February! There’s a reason it has 25K nearly 5 star reviews!

January Roundup

This year I’m ending each month sharing recipes, books, meditations, hacks or products that I’ve loved as well as a little recap!

Breakfast Chorizo Tacos – we had these on our getaway in the beginning of the month and i’ve been making them 2x a week! I saute 1/2 a pack of chorizo with 4 eggs (for two of us), heat tortillas in our toaster oven with cheese so it’s all melty and top with thinly sliced red onion, avocado, salsa or anything else. It’s been by far my favorite breakfast this month!
The 1000 hours outside app. I made spending one thousand hours outside a goal for 2023 & I’ve been loving tracking our progress on the app. It has been especially motivating to get outside despite all the rain California saw this month! We’ve spent nearly 45 hours outside this month & I really do think without this goal and the convenience of the app we wouldn’t have gotten nearly as close to that!
This lulu lemon hoodie dupe from amazon. It’s so warm & great quality. I’ve been wearing this pretty much non stop since it arrived.
DIY’s – This month we tackled extending the boys treehouse and making it significantly safer with an added railing, that small project totally lit the DIY fire & I’ve taken to tackling J’s closet and adding shelving.
The books I read this month: 4000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, and The Paris Apartment. I love alternating between fiction and nonfiction. Both of these had been on my to read list for a minute! I quoted 4000 weeks in my latest Monday Mindset post – but he gives interesting perspectives about this concept of “using time wisely” or trying to get the upper hand on time. The Paris Apartment was a great quick, suspenseful read.
Toddler Rainsuits – I ordered these at the begining of the month when the multiple atomospheric rivers were pummeling california. And these are legit. The boys stay totally dry and warm inside these & they wash clean no matter how much mud they’re stomping through! totally recommend if you have a kiddo who loves playing in the rain. Afterall, there’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing! We definitely wouldn’t have logged 45 hours outside this month without these.
This meditation which calls on us to bring more gratitude into our daily lives.

January has truly felt SO long. Not only did we manage to have a kid free getaway, we also managed a hospital visit for J’s asthma, visits from both sets of grandparents, lots of shifts at the hospital, a couple of home projects, and finishing two books.

I’m excited for February, it’s my birthday month, we’re also taking the boys to the snow for two nights & I’m excited to finish J’s closet, and start a new Valentine’s Tradition with the boys.

Monday Mindset: Our power struggle with time.

Consider this:

We don’t get or have time at all – instead we are time. We’ll never get the upper hand in our relationships with the moments of our lives because we are nothing but those moments.

Last Sunday I was sleeping in a dark hotel room with my husband when I heard his alarm going off for the second time. Only to quickly realize it wasn’t his alarm, it was a phone call. A phone call saying our two year old sons asthma was bad and we needed to come home. Luckily our “getaway” was only ten minutes away. If you’re a parent you know you don’t need to be 500 miles away to feel recharged, all you need is a hotel bed, black out curtains and a night or two without a toddler, iykyk. After getting home, giving Johnathan his nebulizer treatments we realized he wasn’t improving all that much. And so, in all too familiar fashion, we filled a bag with necessities and headed for the hospital. Our little bubba ended up needing to stay in the hospital for 36 hours, getting some extra oxygen his body needed.

In the past five years I’ve sat and laid next to each of my children and husband in hospital beds and each time I’m hit with this paradoxical feeling of having time slow to a crawl within the walls of your hospital room while the world outside goes about their lives. Often in our daily lives we are consumed with ideas of not “wasting time” or the pressure of “living in the moment”. We innately begin to view time as a resource that we can manipulate or control, but there’s no greater reality check on your lack of control than a hospital. In a hospital you’re forced to surrender any illusion of control over time or finitude you think you have. As much as we want to wield control over our time the universe will continue to show us that no one can master time, that you can’t outrun the flipped hourglass that is each of our lives.

In 4000 weeks, Time Management for Mortals, Oliver Burkeman describes “a more fruitful approach to the challenge of living more fully in the moment starts from noticing that you are, in fact, always already living in the moment anyway, whether you like it or not. To try to live in the moment implies that you’re somehow separate from “the moment” and thus in a position to either succeed or fail at living in it.” So stop beating yourself up for “not living in the moment” enough. You have no choice you are living in the moment, it’s how you to choose to give your attention and experience those moments that matter.

While we were in the hospital last week I kept thinking about this quote. Usually living in the moment is associated with saying yes to the spontaneous invitation, watching the sunrise, dancing without inhibition, fun, light things. Yet there I was, with the Cars 2 movie playing for the third time in 30 hours, laying next to my son, trying to memorize his little curls and the way he rolls his blanket between his hands while simultaneously sucking his thumb, and I could not have “lived in the moment” more. It was a moment I would never have chosen for myself, but it was my reality. Ask any mom about the paradox that is time. The days can drag on, the phases that feel never ending, and yet suddenly you have a walking, talking toddler and you don’t understand how so much time has already passed. This feeling of chasing time, of wanting to savor every minute of it, of older generations reminding us how quickly it all really flies by can add pressure to make sure we’re doing THE most. When what would benefit us the most is to stop splitting our attention, stop trying to see how much we can cram into our day but instead shifting our focus to our focus. What makes our lives meaningful are our experiences. But in order to truly experience something we have to give our attention to it. Burkeman notes “to have any meaningful experience you must be able to focus on it, at least a bit. Otherwise, are you really having it at all? Can you have an experience you don’t experience?”

Things like meditation and breathwork train our brains to pause. To allow room for focus in a world that is filled with pings and dings, devices that are constantly pulling our focus in a hundred different directions.

I snapped this photo this week, we were reading books on the couch before bed, Chris was reading Dragons Love Tacos, and Johnathan held my hand. And I couldn’t stop looking at that little hand inside mine. I gave that little hand all my attention and focus, feeling the warmth from it, how his little fingers gripped onto my palm, the tiny veins that run along the top of his hand, the calmness of the moment. It was hard to believe a few days prior we were in the hospital and now we’re back at home, in this moment.

I hope this post encourages you to slow down, to draw more attention to the moments you’re already living it. Whether they’re the same bedtime routine you’ve grown tired of, or a new destination, or lifes cruel realities. I hope you can find moments to take in and fully experience for all that they are.

23 in 2023

For the past four years instead of new years resolutions, I’ve made a list to help bring intention, thoughtfulness and whimsy into the year. I make these lists without the pressure the everything must.get.done. Instead I try to pick a mixture of little tasks that I’ve been putting off (get my sons birth certificate, get dental work done, etc.), things I want to try (new hikes, new recipes, new travel destinations), and then some broader goals like decluttering, start meditating. Yesterday I shared my 2022 wrapped and what got completed on last years list. You can also read about the origin of this idea in my 2021 post, here!

So here’s my list for 2023!!

Monday Mindset: Affirmations For Every Situation

Consider this: “We think in words, and these words have the power to limit us or to set us free; they can frighten us or evoke our courage. Similarly, the stories we tell ourselves about our own lives eventually becomes our lives.”

Dan Baker, What Happy People Know

Try This: Affirmations. I used to roll my eyes at the idea of affirmations, but science has shown us that affirmations are in fact a way to help alter our internal dialogue, that will otherwise gladly tell us: we aren’t good enough, smart enough, we’ll fail etc. For many of us if we let our subconsciouses run wild they will chatter at us in negative and anxiety ridden tones. It takes work to change our narratives but one of the most powerful ways we can do that is through affirmations.

Below you’ll find affirmations for most situations! It can sound so silly when you first start saying them. But other ways I like to incorporate affirmations are:

Write it on a sticky note and put it on a mirror you look at daily
Pick one or two to say daily at a specific time (ie: waking up / going to bed / rocking your kid etc.)
Save an affirmation as the background on your phone, when you’re going into a tough situation or experience. It’s the perfect easy reminder to see some words that should bring you calmness or courage!
Save my PDF version with these affirmations!

Affirmations for every situation PDF Download

5 Ways to Stop Pushing Snooze

For years I bought into the limiting belief that I’m not a morning person, my old night shift working self loved spending all day in bed and having breakfast at 4pm. Now fast-forward to having two toddlers. Sleeping in all day just isn’t a possibility anymore. But I also quickly learned that mornings where I got up a 15-30 minutes before my kids I was suddenly more patient, calm, I felt like the morning started on my terms instead of whatever meltdown my three year was gonna choose to have at 7am. If you’ve tried waking up early and are in a constant standoff between you and the snooze button here are some tips that have helped me skip the snooze and get my mornings off to a more peaceful, intentional start!

Lay your clothes out – have your clothes for the morning already set out. Whether you’re headed to work or working out, having your clothes picked out the night before makes getting dressed something you can do while still half asleep. There’s no riffling for that pair of legging you swore was clean. Have everything you need right there so you can shut your alarm off and start changing!
Charge your phone across the room – This is the change that has helped me the MOST when it comes to getting up early… Having to physically get out of bed to shut your alarm off means your feet are on the ground and you’re physically “up”. You have to then make a decision of if you want to get back in bed. The snooze button and I have our battles but I know that button would be undefeated if I it was directly next to my bed. Bonus about charing your phone across the room is you cut down on mindless scrolling in bed, which gets me to sleep faster at night!
Have a plan – Take a few minutes the night before and know what your plan is in the morning. Will you be working out, will you be taking your dog for a walk, getting some work tasks off your list? Reading? Our brains will look for any excuse or reason to push snooze. By taking a few minutes to plan ahead, having your laptop charged and set up so you can start on your list, knowing exactly what workout or where you’ll walk your dog, keeps us from having to make these decisions in the moment when we’re struggling to wake up already!
Go to bed early – The best way to ensure you wake up earlier is to get more sleep!! Waking up earlier actually starts the night before. If i’m in bed after 11 the chances of my morning ritual happening are low!! Stop sacrificing tomorrow by staying up late the night before.
Look forward to something – this can be a hot shower after your workout, your cup of coffee, getting to read uninterrupted, a delicious breakfast, enjoying the silence before your kids wake up. Having something you look forward to in the morning helps your brain remember why we’re dragging ourselves out of bed!

Back to (pre)School Favorites

1. Simply Modern Water bottles 2. Toddler Size Backpack. 3. Fun Back to School PJ’s
4. Non-Toxic Hand Sanitizer 5. Bento Box Lunchboxes 6. Waterproof Name Labels

I’m not entirely sure how it’s already back to school season, but here we are! I wanted to share some of the items I discovered and loved last year for my preschooler & a lot of these I repurchased now that Johnathan is also headed to preschool this year!

Simply Modern Water bottles – These water bottles are leak proof & are a staple in our house, plus they’re a little cheaper than the hydroflask guys!
Toddler Size Backpack – an appropriate toddler sized backpack can be hard to find. Last year I definitely sent will to school with a backpack that was wayyy to big. So this year both the boys are going with these!
Fun Back to School PJ’s – get your toddlers excited the night before with fun ABC pajamas!
Non-Toxic Hand Sanitizer – this is the only hand sanitizer Will will tolerate on his hands. It doesn’t dry your hands out and it smells like christmas, without all the harsh chemicals!!
Bento Box Lunchboxes – love these reusable bento lunch boxes. These drastically cut down on single use plastics! Plus this year I’ll be packing lunches in bulk!
Waterproof Name Labels – Probably my favorite item! These name labels either for clothing or supplies are dishwasher and washing machine safe. After a full year of preschool of the stickers I used are still intact, after many loads through the wash! This year I got some with the boys last name large and their names smaller because I know they’ll be interchanging waterbottles / lunchboxes. Plus they are totally customizable and come in so many designs / colors!!

If you have a favorite back to school item I’d love to hear what it is!

Father’s Day Gift Guide

1. Cooler 2. Waterproof Hat 3. Battery Pack. 4. Wallet.
5. Breakfast Sandwich Maker. 6. Car Vacuum 7. Handprints

Father’s Day is right around the corner so I thought I’d share some ideas for anyone still looking for a gift for that Dad in their life! Plus all of these items are still in stock and will get shipped in time for Father’s Day!

RTIC Cooler – If you follow me on instagram, you might remember I polled asking for peoples opinions on the Yeti coolers and if they were worth the serious $$ they cost. Most people responded that, yes they were as good as they claim, however the brand RTIC was just as good with a smaller price tag! This 52 qt RTIC cooler is what I opted to get Chris this year, I liked it because it came with a removable divider and a basket! Compared to a similar yeti cooler it’s $175 less expensive!
Waterproof Hat – From the photo this might look like just another hat, but these are the perfect summer hat, they are water friendly, lightweight, and floatable! This was actually on my list for last Father’s Day and the color I had wanted sold out!
Battery Pack – This was a gift I got for my dad! Something he wouldn’t go out and purchase for himself but that he gets TONS of use out of! These will recharge an iphone about 3 times!
Wallet – This nonbulky wallet has a pull tab so you can easily access cards. I got this for Chris two years ago and it’s still in great shape & he loves it! Comes it lots of colors!
Breakfast Sandwich Maker – Make your own McMuffin at home! We own one of these and it’s so good! My dad actually gave this gift to Chris his first fathers day!! It makes for a fun easy weekend breakfast! Just fyi the metal tabs get blazing hot so use an oven mitt!
Car Vacuum – For the dad who hates crumbs in his car…
Last but NOT least, keeping it simple makes for the best gifts. I made these handprints with the boys last year for Father’s Day. Put them in a simple white frame and now they live in Chris’ office. Took 10 minutes and cost less than $10!

5 Fool Proof Cake Tips – From one mom to the next!

Since becoming a mom I have loved making the boys their own special birthday cakes and enjoy decorating them. I’m by no means a professional or have any kind of training – but I have learned a few things along the way as the evolution of photos at the end of this post shows! I thought I would share some of the simple tips that have made a big difference in my cake game, from amateur mom baker to another.

Make it easy on yourself – I don’t make the entire cake from scratch… I’m all about jazzing up a box cake mix (using milk instead of water, butter instead of oil). If you want to try to do a fun decoration don’t feel like you have to DO IT ALL. Make things easier where you can!

Invest in a cake kit. The first few years I didn’t spend the $17 for a cake kit and I kinda wish I had. A turntable, a scraper and a couple decent spatulas can really make a big difference. This is the one I bought this year. They sell ones with dozens of more pieces but I opted for something simple.

Freeze your rounds – this was a tip I discovered last year. Freezing or chilling your cake rounds makes frosting SO much easier!! There’s none of that crumbling you normally experience and it doesn’t take away from the taste or texture. Just make sure to wrap them in plastic wrap tightly if you plan on chilling or freezing for longer than 30 min.

Start small and pick a design or style that you’re excited about – I get most of my ideas off pinterest & I try to pick cakes that feel doable. Over the years I have slowly expanded what I felt like was “doable” 3 years ago I would have never even tried this Cars cake. The idea of doing a fondant checkerboard bottom alone would have been too much. Even this year, I was fully prepared to scrap that detail if it wasn’t working out!

Stop by your local bakery! – did you know most grocery stores will sell you their cake frosting?? This year I went to Safeway and bought a bunch of white frosting directly from the bakery & then dyed it red! I’ll definitely be doing this going forward. Again, make things easier where you can! Maybe someday I’ll have time to perfect my own cake frosting but for now this is a short cut I’ll be taking!

BONUS: Have fun with it! Even if your cake flops it won’t be the end of the world. I have store-bought cupcakes as a back up & I focus on the fun aspect! Also don’t underestimate the power of crumbled graham cracker or Oreo cookie as a way to add texture and make the cake look more detailed!

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